{"id":13908,"date":"2011-03-10T09:00:28","date_gmt":"2011-03-10T07:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/?p=13908"},"modified":"2011-03-03T17:11:51","modified_gmt":"2011-03-03T15:11:51","slug":"sunday-10-monday-11-march-1861","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/2011\/03\/10\/sunday-10-monday-11-march-1861\/","title":{"rendered":"Sunday 10 – Monday 11 March 1861"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ah me! ahi! By 9.30 I was at the Doctor<\/a>\u2019s. Lawrence<\/a> was to come at 12 \u2015 (I wrote from Sarah<\/a> last night, & engaged a nurse.) to perform the operation for the Hernia wh. alone can save her life.<\/p>\n

The dear darling was in bed now. \u2015 Ah! she will not rise again! \u2015 She said, I am easier, dear! \u2015 less pain! \u2015 \u201cPerhaps Sarah may come\u201d &c. \u2015 \u201cYou darling! she often said to me \u2015pressing my hand \u2015 with that wonderful smile! \u2015 But as she would talk & such talking renewed the sickness \u2015 I dared not stay. I went to W. Nevills<\/a> \u2015 Willie & Ralph<\/a> there. \u2015 Willie is a vexation. At 5, he walked to S. Newington with me \u2015 & I talked a good deal to him. \u2015 Then to the Doctors. After I left, something had passed [thro] dear suffering Ann \u2015 & Rose went off to Lawrence, & the[y] agreed to postpone the operation \u2015 or rather \u2015 that it was too late now to hope for good from it. (She, poor dear, had quite agreed to it \u2015 & to take Chloroform.) \u2015 on going to Stonefeld Street, I found her weaker \u2015 weaker. \u2015 Rose says she is sinking.<\/p>\n

Oh \u2015 Oh \u2015 \u2015\u2015\u2015 So I cabbed back, & again returned, to stay till the end.<\/p>\n

The sickness continued: the weakness increased. \u2015 The nurse & Mrs. Woolleth are kind & good. The dearest Ann never<\/em> [murmurs]: thanks us for all we do: \u2015 always thinks of us! \u2015 \u201dGo to bed Ellen dear! you are tired!\u201d \u2015 \u201cNurse have you had your supper?\u201d \u2015\u201dEdward my precious \u2015take care you do not hurt your head against the bed iron.\u201d \u2015 At 11 Ellen went to bed. The Doctor came again, & I walked outside \u2015 he says \u2015 her pulse is going: yet she may <\/em>last all through tomorrow. It seems a dream to me. Again I went in \u2015 & held the basin & smothered her hair each time hour after hour: each time she grew weaker \u2015 but each time suffered less. \u201cEdward! my dearest precious! why are you here so late?\u201d \u2015 \u201cO I would not leave you dear \u2015 said I \u2015 so ill.[\u201d] \u2015 \u201cDarling creature![\u201d] she said \u2015 & then that smile! \u2015 12 oclock came \u2015 breathing shorter \u2015feebler.<\/p>\n

11 March 1861<\/p>\n

1 o\u2019clock. Very little change. Sickness every 20 minutes or oftener \u2015 but little now beyond expectoration. Gruel, & brandy & water constantly. \u201cTo be sure \u2015 we do as we are told\u201d she said, on being urged to be lift[ed] up. \u201cA great attack on me with a glass of brandy & water \u2015 & you, you darling! join in it!!\u201d \u2015Take this & it may refresh you: \u201cPerhaps<\/em>\u201d she said. \u201cAll is good: all is right.\u201d She spoke now very seldom. Once on taking the orange [rips] from her mouth, she said \u2015 Oranges \u2015 a great blessing. \u2015 About 2 or 3 \u2015 I was doing so again \u2015 she said \u2015 \u201cEdward! dear<\/em> creature[\u201d] \u2015 this was perhaps at half past three \u2015 & the last time she spoke to me. Oh!<\/p>\n

Once she said \u2015 \u201ca roasted apple.\u201d & when I said bye & bye perhaps dear \u2015 she said \u2015 \u201cdarling\u201d \u2015 but she then seemed to cease to suffer or think [much].<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

(Earlier she had said nurse \u2015! \u201cI am looking at you ma\u2019am! Said nurse. \u2015 \u201cA beautiful sight truly!\u201d said dearest Ann. And once, putting her curls asaide she said \u2015 \u201cone vigorous push will do! \u2015 Dress is important at this time!\u201d & almost laughed. \u2015 Once she said. It is growing dark, & I saw her sight was going. It was nearly more than I could bear, but I resolved to hold out. \u2015\u2015 At 4 came a change. The sickness ceased. The breathing more troublesome. She could take no more nourishment. She seemed about to go.. \u2015 At 5, she became restless: more & more so. Then the nurse said \u2015 \u201cSir: you had better go. Convulsions are, I think coming on \u2015& they may last some hours. I think she will live to the middle of the day. \u2015 At first I thought she would go off quietly, but now I do not.. Call Mrs. Woolett if you please.\u201d \u2015 I did so. And at 6.30 I went to Stratford Place & lay down: took some breakfast, & by 10 was there again. Still she lived \u2015 but now she took no notice, nor suffered: but lay with closed eyes. Sarah had written, & should come by 12! \u2015 We were to be quite quiet, as she heard: & we now hope that the sickness may not return, & that no convulsions may ensue. So I walked to Highbury at 11 \u2015 & came back by 12. Still she breatherd, but very feebly: \u2015 I could not go in again: it seemed so strange & a tearing & grinding my own heart: yet I would have done so, could I have done good. But I said \u2015 I will walk outside \u2015 & you, Mrs. Woollett, put down the blinds when all is over. At 12.15 they were closed!<\/p>\n

Had I believed she would have died so, I would have sate still by her dear side: but I found it would have been terrible. Whereas, God be thanked for such a mercy \u2015 she died as a little infant falls asleep! Painless \u2015 motionless!<\/p>\n

As her life has been one of good & blessing \u2015 so is her death.<\/p>\n

But<\/em> she is gone. And I have now no sister Ann to love me & think of me.<\/p>\n

I gave orders \u2015 & comforted Ellen: poor Sarah is not yet come. \u2015 then I saw the dear dear dear form of her whose voice I can hear no more<\/em>! O! that marble cold lovely face!! \u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015<\/p>\n

I came away at 2. Ordered the funeral on my way to Stratford Place. Packed, & by 4 was on the way to Lewes. The good kind Hunts<\/a> made me welcome & comforted me. How thankful I ought to be that she died as she did!! \u2015\u2015\u2015\u2015<\/p>\n

[Transcribed by Marco Graziosi from Houghton Library, Harvard University, MS Eng. 797.3.]<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ah me! ahi! By 9.30 I was at the Doctor\u2019s. Lawrence was to come at 12 \u2015 (I wrote from Sarah last night, & engaged a nurse.) to perform the operation for the Hernia wh. alone can save her life. The dear darling was in bed now. \u2015 Ah! she will not rise again! \u2015 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[23,3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13908"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13908"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13908\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14080,"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13908\/revisions\/14080"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13908"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13908"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nonsenselit.org\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13908"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}