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Queery Leary Nonsense:
Lear Nonsense Verses


 

DINGLE BANK

He lived at Dingle Bank—he did;—
    He lived at Dingle bank;
And in his garden was one Quail,
    Four tulips, and a Tank;
And from his windows he could see
The otion and the River Dee.

His house stood on a Cliff, — it did,
    In aspic it was cool;
And many thousand little boys
    Resorted to his school,
Where if of progress they could boast
He gave them heaps of buttered toast.

But he grew rabid-wroth, he did,
    If they neglected books,
And dragged them to adjacent cliffs
    With beastly Button Hooks,
And there with fatuous glee he threw
Them down into the otion blue.

And in the sea they swam, they did,—
    All playfully about,
And some eventually became
    Sponges, or speckled trout;—
But Liverpool doth all bewail
Their Fate;—likewise his Garden Quail.

 

{63}


SPOTS OF GREECE

Papa once went to Greece,
      And there I understand
He saw no end of lovely spots
      About that lovely land.
He talks about these spots of Greece
      To both Mama and me
Yet spots of Greece upon my dress
      They can't abear to see!
I cannot make it out at all—
      If ever on my Frock
They see the smallest Spot of Greece
      It gives them quite a shock!
Henceforth, therefore—to please them both
      These spots of Greece no more
Shall be upon my frock at all—
      Nor on my Pinafore.

EPITAPH

"Beneath these high Cathedral stairs
Lie the remains of Susan Pares.
Her name was Wiggs, it was not Pares,
But Pares was put to rhyme with stairs."

 


{64}


THE YOUTHFUL COVE

      In medio Tutorissimus ibis.
"Thou shalt walk in the midst of thy Tutors."

ONCE on a time a youthful cove
      As was a cheery lad
Lived in a villa by the sea.—
      The cove was not so bad;

The dogs and cats, the cows and ass,
      The birds in cage or grove
The rabbits, hens, ducks, pony, pigs
      All loved that cheery lad.

Seven folks—one female and six male,—
      Seized on that youthful cove;
They said—"To edjukate this chap
      Us seven it doth behove."

The first his parrient was,—who taught
      The cove to read and ride,
Latin, and Grammarithemetic,
      And lots of things beside.

Says Pa, "I'll spare no pains or time
      Your school hours so to cut,
And sqare and fit, that you will make
      No end of progress—but—,"

Says Mrs. Grey,—"I'll teach him French,
      Pour parler dans cette pays—
Je cris, qu'il parlera bien,
      MÍme comme un Francais—Mais—"


{65}


Says Signor Gambinossi,—"Si
      Progresso si farà,
Lo voglio insegnare qui,
      La lingua mia,—ma,"—

Says Mr. Grump,—"Geology,
      And Mathetics stiff
I'll teach the cove, who's sure to go
      Ahead like blazes,—if—"

Says James—"I'll teach him everyday
      My Nastics: now and then
To stand upon his 'ed; and make
      His mussels harder,—when"—

Says Signor Bianchi,—"Lascia far;—
      La musica da me,
Ben insegnata gli serà;—
      Farà progresso,—Se—"

Says Edmund Lear—"I'll make him draw
      A Palace, or a hut,
Trees, mountains, rivers, cities, plains,
      And p'rapps to paint them—but

So all these 7 joined hands and sang
      This chorus by the sea;—
"O! Ven his edjukation's done,
      By! Vot a cove he'll be!"

 


{66}


MRS. JAYPHER

A Preface to a poem entitled "Mrs. Joypher." Lear adds the stage direction that the verse is to be read sententiously and with grave importance.

Mrs. Jaypher found a wafer
Which she struck upon a note;
This she took and gave the cook.
Then she went and bought a boat
Which she paddled down the stream
Shouting, "Ice produces cream,
Beer when churned produces butter!
Henceforth all the words I utter
Distant ages thus shall note—
'From the Jaypher Wisdom-Boat.'"

A VERSE OF ANOTHER VERSION

Mrs Jaypher said it's safer
If you've lemons in your head
First to eat a pound of meat
And then to go at once to bed.

 

{67}


 


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