There was a young lady of Calais
Who rejoiced in the surname of Alice
She married an Earl
And lives, happy girl!
In an Archidiaconal Palace.

There was and old man who said, “What
on earth have they got in this pot?
It can’t hurt the cook
If I just take a look.
Oh Gemini! Is’nt it hot!!”

There was an old person of Chard
Who said, “This is AWFULLY hard,
Seven Dukes and an Earl,
Eight boys and a girl,
All trespassing in my back yard!”

There was a young lady of Leith
Who bought a new set of false teeth
They were six inches wide
With a hinge at each side
And closed with a snap underneath.

The was a young man of Carlisle
Who was given to drinking lamp-ile
His friends said, “Look here,
You make us feel queer
Just knock off that game for a while!”

There was an old man called McNab
Who once ate for supper a crab
Twelve lobsters, eight snipe,
And a large dish of tripe
(He had to go home in a cab)

There was an old man of Lorraine
Who trespassed on Salisbury Plain.
But I hit him a lick
With a fairly thick stick
And I don’t think he’ll trespass again!

There was an old man who said “Who
Will help me to tie up my shoe
If I tread on the lace
I shall fall on my face
And then what on earth shall I do?”

There was an old man who said “If
I could climb to the top of that cliff
I should get a nice breeze.
Oh! I do wish my knees
Were not so confoudedly stiff

There was a young lady of Fife
And I asked her if she’d be my wife
But she uttered a sort
Of a kind of a snort
And rushed upon me with a knife!